Venturing out on your own. For some people this is unthinkable! It’s also very culture dependent; I once spoke to a girl in Italy who said, you would be considered very weird if you sat alone in a coffee shop, especially if you were a woman. In England or France for example, I think you could easily get away with this. It’s also unfortunately more gender acceptable, a women on her own conjures up a lot of negative connotations. Add a bar or alcohol to this situation and I can only imagine what goes on in people’s heads!
I recently moved to Cape Town and am continuously struggling with not being able to go to places and events I am interest it. The friends that I have made here enjoy a lot of activities that I find not to my taste and vice versa. I have not been my outgoing social self since moving here and unlike Jozi, where I used to live, networking is not as easy. It’s come to that point that in order to be happy in Cape Town, I need to start going out. on my own, to the events that I would enjoy. This way I can at least do things I like here and hopefully meet new friends who enjoy the same things I do.
I’m really into house music, dancing and not too much drinking (season dependent), I love rooftops or nature (open settings). Well-designed interiors also do. I am a slight snob I guess! Last month, I saw Nomadic rooftop parties advertised and knew I just had to go. It’s all the stuff I love in one (in terms of partying). I managed to convince one of my friends to come last time; I had the best time! Music was good, views were great and the people were friendly.
So today, there is another rooftop party and this time I have no close friends that are available to come with me. I will meet up with people there that I have met once of twice before but mostly, I’m left to go to this event on my own. Once again I feel vulnerable and I have these thoughts in my head that people will judge me as this loser with no friends. I will have to be friendly and charming to total strangers. I know I love socialising and meeting new people when I’m feeling confident and supported, but on my own like this is different. Also to pre-think about it makes the whole thing more daunting. Even worse, that awkward moment where you meet someone you slightly know and they ask who you came with!! Cry me a river! So embarrassing when I have to explain this whole situation.
So why am I still putting myself through this whole miserable experience? I love house music and dancing that much! It can only be good for my character. I also hope to make new friends there. It doesn’t make it any less difficult though, but let me put on my big girl panties and stop being so afraid of the judgments. This will also be a lesson to be kind when I meet someone at a party (on their own). I totally wouldn’t mind doing this in a foreign town or country…but my own city? It’s just too much. In a foreign place I at least feel anonymous.
There’s not much you can tell yourself or do or prep for a mission out on your ace. It’s the same as being at the top of a steep hill on your bicycle; about to ramble down into unknown territory. You really might come off worse for wear at the bottom of that steep hill, but if you didn’t do it, how would you know? So here is me, writing about how it feels like before you go out without the security of your friend group around you; hopefully it will give motivation to anyone in a similar situation. I’m sure most people will think I love torturing myself. I do think I’m a bit sadistic sometimes, but my adventurous side is smiling. With regards to judgments – you have to remember, you are who you are! People are always going to judge you, but you have to be you so that you can attract the right people into your life that will admire or at least understand the crazy, strange things you do. The less conventional we naturally are…the harder it is. But hey…big girl panties! No one ever accomplished anything interesting without wondering off on their own. And the best part about going out without people you know to well? New observations, interactions and interesting people – the stuff writers love!
And final thoughts, a quote by Russel Brand:
“It’s difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you. No-one really feels self-confident deep down because it’s an artificial idea. Really, people aren’t that worried about what you’re doing or what you’re saying, so you can drift around the world relatively anonymously. You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from that idea that people are watching you”
I’m taking the plunge…………..
#DigiWriMo , #Day9