I came across an article that enlightened me to the subject of “Acts of Deprivation”. In summary, we have this need to re-enact our childhood traumas that left us feeling abandoned. We want to go through them again because we believe that this time round, we can fix that feeling and feel whole again. This makes us attracted to people with the characteristics our caretakers had that made us feel abandoned. Hence, we all fall in love with our bad boys/girls. Below is a link describing Acts of Deprivation. There are also exercises you can do to identify this in your own life. Interesting stuff!
This is the sort of thing that manipulators love to use. All you need to do is identify the acts of deprivation in a victim and boom, you can get them to do all sorts of things for you. To any manipulative people that are reading this – whatever you have to manipulate to get is not yours to take, you will have to work very hard to keep manipulating to keep it. It’s not worth it!
From a writing perspective, this is the stuff to use for characters in a story. Let’s take 50 Shades of Grey; I can now understand why so many women were literally “wetting their panties” reading this book. A man with the looks she adores in a powerful position; he represents a twisted father figure very well! He spanks her, controls her, tells her when/what to eat, when to sleep, how to look after herself, buys her toys and even overly intervenes in her daily life to tell her what to do as if she can’t look after herself. Most fathers can’t be perfect all the time – they can’t always be there for a child and in return the child feels she can’t quite get what she needs from him. Christian Grey is not perfect! Add a lot of sex everywhere that you didn’t think was pleasurable and is suddenly pleasurable; the sex itself is also an act of deprivation. It’s a lot of scenarios that under normal circumstances would make you feel degraded – but all of a sudden, you read this and you realise it turns you on! (Like when that boy says something degrading to you, you suddenly want him more). Spoiler Alert – but apparently the 50 shades of grey books go through 3 books of him being out of her reach leaving her deprived until the end where Mrs Lead Character whose name I can’t even remember manages to “fix” all their/his issues and she is finally no longer deprived. So in reading the books, most woman’s childhood issues are recreated in some twisted way, then fixed in the end. We all have our happy ending 😉
On a more positive note. Acts of Deprivation has an opposite force called Acts of Inspiration, to be attracted people that accept us for who we are but whose characteristics inspire us to something greater! The challenge here is to get around that mentality that we don’t need to win someone’s care but just accept it, especially when we are hard wired to believe that nothing that isn’t worked for is worth having. My answer to that; we still need to work to fight that side of ourselves that loves to be deprived, and at least this time we will grow and have a better chance at a happy ending.
That’s more that’s more than enough inspiration from me, I would like to go brood on more deprived characters…
#DigiWriMo , #Day20